4

I kiss the speed limit. Careful not to drive too fast. Yes time is of the essence right now, but I'll be no use to anyone if I crash. I think of Lucy. I need to think of her more often. I need to curtail my actions with her in mind. I think maybe that was why I failed her as mother to start with. I was selfish. I didn't consider her best interests. I considered only mine. I over take two more cars then take an off ramp. Fortunately, I splice into traffic at the bottom of the ramp and continue to make good time. Where I grew up, in rural Ohio, one thing we had was a lot of long dusty roads. Places where there were no police, no pedestrians. Places where you could test your car's engine. And many times I did. Thinking back, in retrospect I'm sure that was the first place I developed an addiction to addiction. The adrenaline release from driving at near death speeds woke something within me. Really, it's a miracle I survived my teenage years. Someone I knew from school didn't. He lost control of his car one blue sky day while pushing it to its limit. The reason they knew he was travelling so fast was because of just how twisted the metallic skeletal remains of his car was. We weren't close. Just a kid I knew from school. It was my first encounter with death. The first time I realised that we're not invincible. That we all, one day, will meet our maker. His death did make me reconsider driving so fast on those country back roads. But only for a time. A few months maybe. Then I was back at it. The need for the rush too much to ignore. The need for the rush that led me to darkness. With this thought in mind I ease off the gas, lowering my speed as I take a hard left. These streets I know well. The cafe Renee is at I know even better. I place I spent far too much of my life. Memories faint and dark, fading daily. A time I'd prefer to forget. I pass an old liquor store, a place I used to frequent. I'm only three blocks from the cafe. Hold on Renee, I'm almost there.